I feel it very fascinating to look at my past, study what I did, how it turned out for me and draw conclusion from it. A lot of companies have put this into practice where they study collected data and extract profitable information from it for further growth of the company. We call it data mining. I think it is also applicable at individual level for self-development. And thus, I do it now and then if I need an answer for something or for my self-development. I believe we know answers for most of the questions which trouble us but we need to confront it. And this time, I need an answer to a very big and frustrating question of my life.
I need to find a job for myself so that I can have some money to spend on things I want to experience and to learn more about the field I love so much. I am computer science graduate by the way, so there is always so much to learn. From past one year, I am thinking about applying for jobs but I always come up with some excuse and end up applying for none. So, now when I need it the most, I took some time off from my academics, research work, watching random videos, gym, phone, looking at people etc. and put myself in a room alone just to think about what’s happening here. And this is what I have realized. I am addicted to a very bad habit called comfort zone and I have developed this fear of rejection.
Except my father, I feared of nothing since I was a kid. If I want something to do, I will give it a shot. I try best of my limits to achieve it and if I can’t do it anymore or it seems less important to me in any way then I’ll leave it, I’ll learn the lesson and move on. I have this attitude that if there is a chance of survival through it then it is worth a try. That’s how I became an entrepreneur, financially independent at early age, a guitarist in a band and performed on stage in front of thousands, first in my family to come US and do several other things. There were a lot of rejections in the way but I accepted it and tried again. But last year I have faced rejections which were unacceptable and thus began the journey of my biggest failure.
Failure is my best friend, which never left me at any aspect of my life. And like a true friend it always pushed me to do things beyond my limits. Something I always used to fail in is adapting the changes. I failed in my first English midterm in my school, and for the next 8 years of my school, I was almost always among the top 5 students based on merit in a class of more than 100. I failed in Chemistry, Biology and Physics in the first term test of my high school but my determination after that landed me in engineer college after two years. I failed in Computer Science, Mechanics, Basic Electrical Engineering and Mathematics in the first semester of my Engineering. Everyone thought I won’t be able to make it but I proved them wrong and graduated in Computer Science engineering with first class. And this is just academics but I have failed more often in other aspects of life. A lot of people disagreed to my decision of leaving a good job and starting a business. And many of those opposed my idea of leaving my settled business and pursuing Masters. But I have never listened to them and kept trying new things. And that’s what I love about myself.
I am a big fan of the Caterpillar story, many of you might have heard of it. I can’t agree more with anything then the conclusion of this story.
Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life. In fact, it is the struggle that causes you to develop your ability to fly.
For me comfort zone is one of the biggest obstacle between me and success. On the other hand, it is the discomfort with forces me to achieve something in life. I strongly relate discomfort with struggles.
Things happened (It is too early to talk about them, but someday I will) and it was the most difficult phase of my life. I isolated myself, took a pause, and started thinking about my life. What I want from it? what must I focus on? I learned things like how to be humble, and how to be more patient, value relationships but simultaneously not let them influence in a bad way. This failure taught me a lot but the side effect of it was, I developed a little fear of failure and discomfort. And I hate it. It doesn’t make any sense to me to live like this. I am trying hard from past six months to get out of this comfort zone but I am failing to do so. And now I am completely sick and tired of it. Comfort zone is bad and it s**ks, I am failing to extend my horizon and it is stopping me from working on new technologies. I want to work on big projects, I want to complete a triathlon, I want to write about my achievements and failures and I want to do hundreds of such things but I am not doing it because I fear I will be rejected and fail. But I have realized this, that if I won’t do it then I will be failing the person I love the most and that’s me.
So, here is the plan. I will start putting myself into discomfort again and again and will share the same with others so that they won’t repeat the mistakes I have did and might help them in leaving their comfort zone. Always remember, facing difficulties and still moving makes the person more and more strong. That’s the life which is worth living, and makes successful people successful at first place.
I will be learning and sharing new things frequently. Will patiently work on my goals and purpose I have until I don’t achieve it.